THE DARUNIA SPRINGER SHOW:
Darunia Springer: Hello people! I am Darunia Springer, the Sage of crappy TV shows! I'm here today to help a dude named Link and Zelda, who have been having problems with their relationship. Please welcome Link and Zelda!
Darunia: Why did you come here today Link?
Link: Beause you paid me to
Darunia: You're supposed to say to see if you can solve my problem.
Link: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh... I came here today to see if-
Darunia: Too late, Link
Link: Damn...
Zelda: Does this have a point?
Darunia: No. We're just talking about nothing. It worked for Seinfeld!
Link: It's true...
Darunia: Anyway, we're here today because Zelda has been complaining she hasn't been getting enough. Isn't this true, Zelda?
Link: No, it isn't.
Darunia: I was asking Zelda you moron! Is it true?
Link: No
Darunia: I'm just not gonna talk to you anymore. Zelda?
Zelda: Yes
Crowd: Ooooooooooooooooooooooh... DARUNIA! DARUNIA!
Darunia: SHUTUP! Now I have news for you Link: Zelda's been cheating on you!
Link: With who?
Zelda: Who else? Princess Ruto!
(Ruto walks on stage)
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Link runs away and into cactus, thus dying)
Darunia: Wow! Someone finally died on my show. Think of the ratings!
(Show of ratings: It goes from 0 viewers to 1)
Darunia: Alright, so Zelda, how would you rate your relationship with Ruto?
Zelda: Crappiest relationship ever
Darunia: Then why the hell did you cheat on Link for her?
Zelda: Don't ask me, I'm just a stupid video game character. They pay me to scream, not think
Ruto: Sugar Pie! We've got plenty of things to do in the morning! (winks at Zelda).
Crowd: Oooooooooooooooooooooh... DARUNIA! DARUNIA!
Darunia: SHUTUP!
Zelda: Please kill me
Darunia: Sure. Where's a gun when you need one?
Link's ghost: I always keep one in my underpants. Try there.
Darunia: Sure, why not? (Reaches down pants) Ah... there's one! (Shoot's Ruto)
Zelda: Hey! I said kill me!
Darunia: Alright. (Shoot's Zelda)
Link's ghost: C'mon Darunia. Everyone in this audience wants to die. You can't do a show for your life! You're a friggin rock!
Darunia: Shutup
Link's Ghost: You dont tell me to shutup you *beep.* I'm gonna *beep* your mother *beep* *beep* and then lice off your throat while *beep* your mother!
Darunia: You *beep*! I'm gonna *beep* kill you!
(dudes come and take Darunia Springer and Link's Ghost away)
Well, that's all the time we have today on the Darunia Springer Show
|
