Article from the Hyrule Shopper:

LINK, THE HERO OF TIME, IS DANGEROUS AND AT LARGE

Link, the Hero of Time, or as he's know now, the Horror of Time, is on a murderoys rampage. Killing monsters, animals, even human beings, Link has proven himself to be a reckless psychopath.
Yes, you heard me. Link has killed over 5000 monsters, sometimes for no reason. See's a ghost floating around the Graveyard, he kills it automatically. Link has even be seen shooting arrows at people, trying to slice them with his sword, even throwing a boomerang at them.
Link has also shown no respect for property he bombs walls, hookshots up to trees, which kills them.
"Link used to be peaceful," says Sage Saria. "But then he got that sword and everything had to die."
"We are extremely afraid of him, and that's why we go along with his plans," says the Princess of Hyrule, Zelda, before bursting into tears.
"Even Ganon couldn't stop him," says Rauru. "He has extreme power. It must be dealt with."
This reporter personally suggests sending Link to the mental institution Juniper Hill, where he can spend time with other crazy assholes like Hannibal, and Ronald Mcdonald.
"I used to like him," syas fiancee Ruto. "But then he turned into a killer. Because of him, our water froze in Zora's Domain. He threw a bomb at my dad. Now look at him!"
(Picture of King Zora eating 20 pounds of popcorn and watching TV).
"Link destroyed Hyrule Castle," says Zelda. He blew it up. I saw." (Warning: May not be true)
"He's like a superfreak, man, like one of those super freaky freaks." Says a beggar on the street.
Right now, our officials are trying to bring Ganon back so he can kick Link's ass. After that, there will be a vote, to see whether Ganon should become the next ruler of Hryrule and Zelda's husband. WHEN WILL EVERYBODY LEARN? DEMOCRACY DOESN'T WORK DAMMIT!
Anyway back to our original subject, if Link is caught, please call this number: 666-6666. The reward is a total of 1 rupee and a condom. This is the reporter Brahm Kleinman, signing off.